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It Gets To Be Easy
We empower women to grow confident in creating their most healthful & joy-filled life with ease.
It Gets To Be Easy
Honoring Your Body's Messages: The Journey from Self-Fixing to Self-Listening
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What if everything you've learned about self-improvement has been keeping you from the very transformation you seek? In this candid conversation, we dive into the subtle yet powerful trap of the "fixing mentality" - that persistent voice telling us something's wrong that needs correcting, upgrading, or optimizing.
Drawing on personal experiences with our changing bodies, emotional landscapes, and performance expectations, we explore how deeply our culture has conditioned us to view natural fluctuations as problems. From managing menstrual cycles to navigating emotional waves like anger or overwhelm, we've been taught to police rather than partner with our bodies and emotions.
The discomfort we feel when honoring our bodies isn't failure—it's information. Whether it's a signal we're pushing too hard or an indication we're stepping outside our comfort zone by truly honoring our needs, this distinction transforms how we relate to ourselves. After decades of conditioning, these patterns become embedded in our nervous systems, which is why even when we intellectually understand the benefits of working with our bodies instead of against them, emotionally it can still feel like a "cop-out" when we need to slow down.
True transformation begins when we shift from seeking answers outside ourselves to trusting our inner wisdom. It's about choosing reverence over repair—sitting with ourselves not to change but to remember our inherent wholeness. As we shared, "You were never meant to be a project. You are presence, soft, sacred and whole, even in the parts that unravel."
Place your hand on your heart today and ask: "What part of me is trying to be heard?" Then join our Patreon community for practical tools to deepen this journey of self-trust and embodied wisdom.
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Shauna Bell @sbell.wellness
Katie Smith @k.smithoilsfitness
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Welcome to it Gets To Be Easy Podcast where you're granted permission to live your most healthful and joy-filled life with ease.
Speaker 1:We are your hosts, katie and Shawna, and together we've been cracking the code to creating our own realities with ease, and now we've set out to help you grow confident in this too. Hey friends, welcome back to our show. We're excited you're here with us Today. We want to keep the flow going around our most recent chats that have really had a common thread, one of releasing the need to fix ourselves by allowing a more connected, trusted relationship with ourself.
Speaker 1:So we're in a world that's obsessed with self-optimization, always tweaking, correcting, even upgrading. But what if the real transformation happens when we stop trying to fix and start learning to really listen? So in our last episode, we had Suzanne Wise on and she was talking about honoring our emotions as allies, and in the episode prior to that, we were discussing seeking the empowerment to leave behind conditioned health care narratives to truly nourish our female bodies in each season of life. Let's bridge these two together today and just chat about that sneaky trap of fixing how it shows up in our lives and what we're intentionally tuning into to be more mindful with this. So, shauna, let's kick this off.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay. So this trap of fixing I feel like that is something that is like deep seated in me and I think there's been so much growth from that, like when we have really noticed that we're shifting from hustle and just really been super aware of that in the past few years. But, like I feel like even a lot of times, some of the self-help things or the next best thing that we're seeing someone you know say try, that just still leaves us with this like I'm not enough yet. So like that's something that I feel like has really been noticeable for me. You know, I share all the time about like just we talked about this in the last episode of just even where our females bodies like just consistently changing and things that we're going through, and I think for the longest time, I was like continuing to show up to doctors and continuing to try to get answers and to really want from a place of like wanting to understand but never being understood, and so there was always this like energy of something was wrong, and I think that that's what's really drawn me to this expansion of this topic is just like, is it really that something is wrong or is it just that this is how the body is working, and I'm still asking it to do all of these things, are still expecting it to perform the same way all the time.
Speaker 2:Even though I'm trying to be mindful of that, it's still too much right. And then it's like moving into this, like trying not to have judgment, for that, I think, is just where I want to be truthfully honest that that's hard. When you're trying, you know like I am a high performer and I know that, and when I'm in my prime of high performing during the month, it's really good. But then it's like, oh, and now I just need to like actually let my body surrender to the fact that it just wants to not be a high performer in this. You know these particular days or whatever, and so I don't know. I think it's a bumpy road, but I think it's one that we can just have those honest conversations and show up here kind of navigating that in the moment and realizing that we're not broken. It's not trying to fix something or change it, because it's actually trying to like surrender and allow it to be the way that it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that when we talked about this before, about it kind of accepting where we're at with our life. So, rather than, like you said, going into a traditional medical situation where you're kind of like, okay, like my understand and accept and allow and it really is hard, because how do you, how do you shift your mindset from no, like acting like you should have on all the time you should be performing all the time, to understanding where you're going to be really successful and where you need to taper? And so I mean I'm going through that. Right now we're getting ready for a big trip. I have a really important meeting that I'm pushing to show up at my next level, but I have to prep for that, and so I'm gone for the week and a half prior to that.
Speaker 1:I get home two days later I'm on a plane back to work and right now, in this phase of cycle, it is so stressful to think about all of it.
Speaker 1:It's so overwhelming. But, yeah, I'm telling myself like, oh, I shouldn't act like this, like quit being so ridiculous, like it's not that big a deal Of course it's not, but right now, on day 22, it sure as hell feels like it. And can I prepare before that? Yes, and I did, and the meeting actually falls within a really great phase of my cycle, which is nice, but it still doesn't negate from the fact that like I think you said it, we talked about it last episode with Suzanne is like allowing these emotions instead of living above the next. She said in our head, being like gosh, you should be better than this, and I'm like or I just need to take things off my plate, like, and that's something that's really hard for us achievers, recovering or not, to actually do, because then you're like well, then I have to teach someone else to do it, or I have to lean on someone else, and then you're just back in your spiral again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we're really being called to honor that and to look at it and really honestly, I think why it feels hard and maybe where this is like, okay, it's nudging us to see that it actually can be easy is because it is still attached to a lot of conditions and a lot of stories, right, and a lot of modeling that we've seen in our world for so long, and so it's actually kind of new Like that's how it feels to me. It's like it feels new Like you can see all of the hustle right. We've experienced all that, but it's still. It feels kind of new, at least to the environments that I've been in, to really be able to shift into this space, where it's not always the same, and so, you know, it is nudging us to be uncomfortable because we do get comfortable with our ability to manage all of the things right, or to feel like we have control of all the things. And I think that's part of it too is just being able to shift out of that. And maybe it is Susan talked about energetics in that last episode too, and maybe that's it too is that we're not used to tapping into it from that way, and maybe it is nudging us to really see that we do have the energetic power within us to allow those things to happen, if we just come to a space of surrendering to that, and I think that that's what I'm learning and seeing.
Speaker 2:I can share a story where last week, my cycle was coming towards a place to start and it wasn't starting kind of thing, because that's what happens at the age that I am. It's not always the same and so I was experiencing some really uncomfortable symptoms as far as like feeling dizzy and things like that. And just, I had something planned with some friends and I really wanted to do that, because I actually had canceled another time for the same reason and I was like, ah dang, I really want to do this. So I did decide to do it and did decide to go through the motions and, yes, I got to see them and yes, I got to be with them and some really awesome things happened in conversations there.
Speaker 2:But actually, when I got home, how it felt was that I was out of my body, that I had went and experienced something out of my body that I like made it happen Right, and to the point that I don't even remember all the parts of conversations that were had and things like that, and so it was just it was really interesting to just take the observation of it of just like, yes, we can do that, we can push through, we have that resiliency muscle right to do that, but then at the same time, it's like you at the expense of the experience too, because you're not allowing that right. Just said, it's great that your meeting is coming up in a part in your cycle, and a lot of times I do try to pay attention to, when I'm making those play dates, that they are at times where you know I am at an optimal place. But that's just like not even always reality, right?
Speaker 1:Especially if it's in. You know it varies, like you just said. Right, I it's yeah. Yeah, you can't always, you can't always best laid plans, right.
Speaker 2:Yes, but I guess I was just saying all that and sharing all that to say it's like it really was just putting me in a place that I could do observation. So I was trying to do it not from a place of judging or like being guilty, but just noticing it. And then it like does start to help you build that intuitive muscle, and I think that we talk about that all the time. It's like, how do we continue to build that intuition and to listen to that? And so it just kind of brought me into asking some questions like what are the things that you do need to feel nourished?
Speaker 2:Because, if I'm honest, like I don't have the symptoms that I had in my menstrual cycle that I had years ago, like you know, I don't have pain and those kind of things that are coming up. It's like they're odd things per se. Like you know, I'm dealing with hot flashes and dizziness and things like that that are different, and so it's like I have to ask my body what it is that it wants, right? And so I guess just I think all of that did happen to help me see that I could come to a place of like asking myself questions and hearing some things and trying to learn new things too. Like I started to learn about some herbs and things like that and I'm just getting curious about, and so I think that's the part that I want our listeners to hear too is like some of this, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable is like for us to start to explore things and like, maybe allow things to be different, even when it feels like a bumpy ride.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you posed the question nicely for us in our notes was like where did we learn that discomfort equals failure and that's where it's. So I'm reading, I'm reading shocker, I'm reading this book right now and, yes, it's fictional, but a lot of times I love that authors will do their homework on the very real things that they're talking about in their books, and so what they're talking about this theme in this book was this like back to ego, like overwhelm, anxious thoughts. Things like that are. They are okay, but they're also they're stemmed from the body protecting us.
Speaker 1:So this discomfort we're feeling can go both ways. It can be discomfort or we need to pay attention to our intuition where it's like, hey, you need to back off, like you're pushing your body too hard. Or it's also discomfort from that comfort zone, like you are stepping out of this comfort zone to do something differently. It could be the same thing by honoring your body. So in the book they keep bringing it up for the main characters where she's really in her head about what other people think and expectations for her, and the male lead in the book keeps telling her he was like you need to let go of these expectations from other people and focus more on allowing yourself to have the things to be successful. You are worthy to have the break or to get the really good internship, whatever it may be.
Speaker 1:But discomfort isn't failure is the point I'm trying to make. It's a message that we're trying to our body and the universe is trying to give us, and so this is a perfect timing. For myself, it's like I'm feeling very overwhelmed, which is just not comfortable, and I don't want to yell at my husband or tell him to like go in the garage because I can't stand it. But at the same time, I also am fighting this battle myself, being like I am at this luteal phase and I know that this is what's going on in my body and you have all of these other things, but I feel like it's a cop out and it's not. It's just the way it is. And why can't I accept that? Because it's uncomfortable to feel out of control.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what just came through while you were saying that is, why does it still feel like a cop-out, even though we know all of these things? Now, right, we know better and we've learned them and we've experienced them to the level of seeing that it does actually matter and it does actually work to allow ourselves to perform differently at different times right. But I think it's just that it still feels foreign because we weren't taught all of this from the get-go. So there are really deep-seated patterns, stories. Our nervous system for oh my gosh decades learned to do it a certain way, and so it is truly within our DNA, within ourselves, and so we actually have to truly rewrite what is actually in our DNA by allowing that to happen. And so I think that that's why I love that we're just candidly talking about this today, because it's not like you're just going to say, oh yeah, now I know this and now I only do these things at this time in my cycle, like it's just, it doesn't happen overnight, like that. I think it just. You know, we just get to be more and more aware of it, and you know, I love that Susan. Susan always talks about play, and I think that you know that is something that I can recognize in myself. Like I work with kids, for goodness sake, for decades. Like, yeah, play is a part of my life, like humor is always part of my day. But there are times where I know I'm way too serious about things and I think some of that does put the pressure on and why it does feel such a stretch to go from doing all the things to surrendering and allow myself to do less during parts of the month, and so I'm just excited to continue to explore that a little bit, putting some tools in Patreon, actually, that I've discovered to kind of tap in myself with, because I think this is still new for me too, but I was going to share that in there for you all as well on this, just the topic of play and being able to explore that and being able to kind of come into our emotions even with all of that.
Speaker 2:I saw this Instagram reel today and this guy was really talking about how we actually try to police the traffic of our thoughts and I was like yeah, yeah, we do. You know, just like you were saying with that character in the book, like all the stories of the people in our head, and like sometimes, yeah, it's things they said a lot of the times it's things that we think they might say or they think that they're, you know, feeling or whatever, and so I think it's it just goes to us being able to allow that flow of thoughts without really having to do something about it is a really important part of this practice as well, especially when we start talking about, like, that emotional side of it and being able to. You know, I think we've been talking about the physical side of it and honoring the physical part of our bodies, but I think, you know, susan talked about our emotions being allies and you mentioned that at the beginning but it's like what if we are experiencing a feeling? So I've done some inner work recently where some things have been coming through and I know that anger is stored in my body and that's a lot for me as someone who's top strength is positivity. It's really like giant lump in my throat to say that there's anger in my body. But what if I'm saying this anger feeling isn't something I actually have to fix, that it's something that I get to tune into, that it's actually there on purpose so that I can unfold into the sacredness of it, and so that's big for us to do that with emotions, right, because one of the things that I know of where the root of this is, it's very ancestral.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of things I'm seeing that I'm knowing that Dreams are coming through, intuitive messages, lot of things I'm seeing that I'm knowing that dreams are coming through, intuitive messages are coming through, all of that, but it's it's still similar to what I was saying earlier. It's still uncomfortable because you don't want to go there. It's like, and then also sometimes it's like but what I've already thought I dealt with that, like I already dealt with that. That was, you know, years ago and you know what. And then it's like oh, but actually it's again that whole rewriting DNA thing. We, we do need to attune to it and allow it, and it's not going back to the stories of all the things. It's actually going to that, that sacred place that I said and allowing yourself to notice that it is stored in the body and being out, you know, being able to allow it to flow versus policing you know where it is. It's kind of a big deal.
Speaker 1:We'd like to take a break from our show to invite you to join our Patreon community. Over on Patreon, we have so many incredible resources to support you in your journey to living your most health-filled and joy-filled life. We have journal prompts, we have exclusive host interviews, we have incredible resources with self-affirmations and guidance on how to approach creating your own reality with ease. We hope to see you over on Patreon soon and we look forward to welcoming you into our incredible community. Oh my gosh, all of this is kind of like. I find it from my personal experience that this reminds me a lot of the first trimester of pregnancy and, as I explain myself here, a lot of people don't talk about being pregnant for the first 12 weeks. But you feel like such garbage, like all you want to do is go to bed or you are going to puke. However many often you could be sitting in the middle of a meeting and all of a sudden you're just like beside yourself and when you were talking about going and you know, pushing through it and not being present, it's so. That's exactly how I relate that, to that feeling of where you aren't allowing yourself to experience that because you're trying to block it out. And it's another one of those ingrained habits of years of blocking things, where that we're trying to undo, that we're talking about like letting go and allowing. And I just feel that that just came to mind when we said that, because I think oftentimes we still, even as a 40 year old woman, I'm still finding myself in that same situation. Often we were like I don't really like, how are you? I'm still finding myself in that same situation often, where you're like I don't really like, how are you? I'm great, really, are you, are you sure? But it's, like you said, the trap. And so what does it mean to listen? Instead, let's talk about that. What does this mean for us? How do we take steps to redirect these thoughts? And I think the first thing is noticing, like we've been talking about. How do we notice this within ourselves? And instead of policing them which you set that up perfectly we are just aware, we're aware of them. We are able to honor them.
Speaker 1:I'm working with my coach again in terms of just like the changes in my body, like I started working with her in November of 23. I am a completely different woman today, march of 25. And I told her the same thing. I was like I don't want to fix, I want to fuel, I want to make sure that, like, I am shifting in awareness as my body is changing, and so we were diving in. She's like okay, well, how hungry are you here? What about doing some detox here? And then, like, not pushing your body here, and that's that, to me, is.
Speaker 1:Yes, it might sound like management, but to me it's honoring, it's allowing myself to even go there and not feel bad that I'm hungry, because my relationship with food, even at 40 and a half, is still not great. Like, and that's more conditioning. We can talk on another episode if we need to, but it's still something that I would feel guilty. I'm like why am I so hungry right now? I haven't done anything. Oh, that's just because that's what my body needs. Yeah, so that's one thing that's like how can we turn this into? Listening is just acknowledging that there's an innate reason. The body is amazing, so it's doing this for a reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it definitely is, and I think it's, you know, noticing those feelings without rushing to manage them. And I don't think what you were saying was managing. I think there's a nuance there, because management from a place of just like I'm going to do X, y, z and then it's going to go away, this isn't going away, you know, and that's what we're trying to put in here as like it's not a, it's not a fix, and so it truly is from a place of being open, being super curious and then nourishing. That you know, and I think sometimes it, you know, we do kind of want this cookbook for those things, just because you know we are trying to still do all the other things in our life, right? So sometimes some of those things I think we have gotten in habits of like, well, I got to, I got to put my attention on all these other things. So if I just have a cookbook of how my body can do it, you know I could, just it makes it easier kind of thing. But I think that that's where we're being nudged to flip that on its head and just say, actually, I do need to attune to, I do need to be curious about why my body is hungry here and nonjudgmental of that, and allow it and to, because the reality that's the part that is so wild about that thinking Because the reality is, if we do attune to it and we do get curious and we do nourish it, we're a hell of a lot better on those other things that we're trying to push for. So I think that it's totally it. I think we're just we're seeing that there's just some really deep seated stories around all of this that we're we're really being called to, to allow them to uplift and to shift. You know, and I think one of those things, like with listening to, is like we talk about all the time whatever spiritual listening means for you. You know, it really is strengthening that intuitive muscle, that trust of the inner self, the God within the universe. All of that versus all of those outer shoulds. I think that's really the nuance in this whole conversation is that all of those outer shoulds I think that's really the nuance in this whole conversation is that all of those stories, all of those conditions are outside of us and we've learned for a really long time to seek outside of us first, and I think that that's where we're being called to is just to honor ourselves versus trying to manage ourselves in the way that we might be called to manage things outside of our life. So, yeah, absolutely. I mean that's a big deal, so we always like to keep these bite-sized. I know this has been a pretty candid conversation, maybe felt like it was a little in different places here and there, but I think it was a good one and I really love the conversation and I think that there's much to relate to in this. So I hope that that's landed for you listeners. We hope that you will go on to Patreon check out some of the tools that we're talking about there as well. I saw something when I was preparing for this conversation today and I think it's actually a great way to wrap, so I'm just going to share it with you all.
Speaker 2:So you were never meant to be a project. You are presence, soft, sacred and whole, even in the parts that unravel. The discomfort you feel at times is not a flaw to correct, but a call to return, to pause, to listen. Your soul does not speak in demands. It whispers in sensations, nudges and quiet moments of truth. Beneath all the noise Today, beneath all the noise Today, choose reverence over repair. Sit with yourself not to change but to remember. The healing begins when you stop interrupting what's trying to be felt. So, friends, we invite you now place your hand on your heart and ask yourself today you now Place your hand on your heart and ask yourself today what part of me is trying to be heard.
Speaker 1:We send you so much love and peace. My friends Listen to you today.
Speaker 2:We want to welcome you, to tune in, stay close and grow with us. Come feel empowered, inspired and connected.
Speaker 1:Check the show notes to follow us and, of course, we'd love for you to take us on social media and you share wetlands for you.
Speaker 2:Until next time, breathe on purpose, stay curious and trust your intuition.