It Gets To Be Easy

Embracing Self-Awareness and Emotional Responsibility for Authentic Living

• Katie (k.smithoilsfitness) & Shauna (sbell.wellness) • Episode 62

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Have you ever wondered how much influence your emotions have on your daily life? Discover how taking responsibility for your emotions and healing can lead to a more authentic, joyful existence. In this episode, Katie reflects on insights from Ed Mylett and Brendan Burchard, while Shauna shares her personal experiences from fifth and sixth grade. We underscore the importance of self-awareness and personal responsibility in shaping our emotional landscapes, helping you navigate your feelings with greater ease and authenticity.

Feeling overwhelmed by societal expectations and the constant pressure to conform? Join us as we highlight the significance of recognizing and addressing mental health without immediately jumping into a "fix-it" mindset. By sharing personal stories and referencing leading thinkers, we advocate for self-awareness and the protection of one's peace. The 2020 pandemic served as a wake-up call for many, prompting reflections on true needs versus external influences. Learn how to create your own reality, driven by genuine joy and self-acceptance, rather than the stress of trying to fit in.

What if worrying about future disappointments is holding you back from living fully in the present? Explore the concept of "future traveling" and how it can impede your receptiveness to life's natural flow. Through vivid anecdotes, we stress the importance of acknowledging emotions without getting stuck in them, both for ourselves and our children. By embracing a more conscious and present-focused way of living, you can shift from a pursuit mentality to one of flow and openness, allowing gratitude and awareness to guide your choices. Join us for this enlightening episode and become confident in crafting your reality with ease.

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Speaker 2:

Welcome to it Gets To Be Easy Podcast, where you're granted permission to live your most healthful and joy-filled life with ease.

Speaker 1:

We are your hosts, katie and Shauna, and together we've been cracking the code to creating our own realities with ease, and now we've set out to help you grow confident in this too.

Speaker 2:

Hey friends, welcome back to the show. As always, thank you so much for showing up here to hang with us each week as we talk about these personal insights, these downloads that we have, these real life experiences that we're digging in deep on. We really do this because we want you to also feel inspired and empowered alongside us. So over the past couple of weeks we've been sharing some inspiring podcast episodes from other people with each other and even noticing in our own conversations that we're having with people that there's kind of been this theme of taking a look at our relationship with our own emotions and then allowing this amplified state of awareness to really assist us in understanding where we can get in our own way. You know, a lot of time it has to do with us using this external compass to guide our choices right, looking outside of us for decision-making experiences, feeling like we have to do it a certain way because that's how the world is telling us to do it.

Speaker 2:

And I think this really ties in quite well with the flow of conversations that we really have been sharing with you over the past few weeks of just taking the self-responsibility right, getting more conscious about the living that we're doing here on our journeys. It really does take us being able to look at, like we were just saying, offline, like those masks that we've put on over time because it's like we felt like we had to do that, and all of these things that we may be experiencing around emotions and what we're holding in our body and all of those kinds of things are coming from that. So I think that's a great place for us to start there. I know, katie, when you were listening in on a few of the podcasts and you kind of were sharing some of your downloading on this kind of code of understanding, that our emotions and taking responsibility for our healing, for who we truly are and want to continue to be here on this journey, truly are very interlinked. So tell us what was coming through for you when you were thinking about this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so I ran across one podcast. It's like Ed Milet and Brendan Burchard, and those are both people that you and I have listened to over the extent of our journey together, but definitely from a different perspective. But this conversation was really focused on personal responsibility when it had to do with emotions, and we've talked this today. Our episode went live with Campbell. We were talking about awareness in the body and our just emotional awareness, and one of the things that really struck with me on this is like owning our healing, owning, taking care of ourselves and feeling more and more like that. It's not something unique, disciplined people can achieve, but really it's. If you aren't achieving this, it's just an excuse or you're putting a label on it for some other thing, and that's where that awareness piece comes in. It's like being aware that you're doing a label on it for some other thing and that's where that awareness piece comes in. It's like being aware that you're doing that.

Speaker 1:

But two is realizing that like you don't have to flip it over right away and be like I'm going to own all the things and be responsible for all my behaviors, but slowly just starting to be more aware and taking ownership of things, just like we talked about with Campbell. It's like I'm going to be aware of my breathing a little bit more. I can tell when my heart rate's going up, I can tell when I'm feeling this stuck situation, and it's almost going to make you less tolerant of being in those situations where you are not feeling emotionally in control or things like that. And so I think those are just some of the things that are cropping up. There's so much more for us to talk about today, but that you've brought it up. You've been teetering on this for weeks now, shawna, where you're like I want to talk about awareness, I want to talk about self-responsibility, and we've been touching on these things, and I think bringing these two together right now awareness and being self-responsible for all of that is kind of where we landed today.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a big deal. I think that, the more and more we're tapping into conscious living and really focusing on that, there's no way to do it without the self-responsibility piece. That's the reality that we're at with this, because we truly have to go there, because this isn't a blame or shame game outside of us. It's really not. Yes, other people have impacted our situations or what we've had going on. Right, I was sharing offline how I was thinking about or I keep coming back to, probably for over a year, to similar scenarios or pictures in my mind, right, little, moving back in the timeline of kind of things and looking at, you know, fifth and sixth grade and some things that I've just I've been noticing in that timeline and just seeing, and I see other people there. Right, I have some teachers that I've been noticing in that timeline and just seeing, and I see other people there. Right, I have some teachers that really had some impact on me that didn't feel good, and so, as I'm thinking about that, yeah, there's an outside influence, but then the thing that I'm noticing that's different now and why I feel like I'm being called to look at that deeper, is it was really about me.

Speaker 2:

It was really about the journey, that my response to that and how I was feeling, or how I feel like I had to put on a mask and I couldn't be authentically me.

Speaker 2:

I had to worry about like, oh, I have to pretend like I know how to do this math that I don't know how to do, and, oh my gosh, this teacher is wild and jumping off the tables and throwing books and all of these things that feel so overwhelming for this 11, 12-year-old. However, you are that age and it's just like okay, there's something there, right, and there's something there that's supposed to be carrying forward here, and so it is my responsibility to allow myself to go there, versus just like. I think for a long part of the journey and I think that that was on purpose too was just like oh, I made it through that, like that was a long time ago, like I'm resilient. It's fine that we experience are packed away somewhere and having an impact moving forward. If we're not allowing that flow, if we're not allowing ourselves to take off that mask and look at them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and you're talking about these experiences that just you had, and one of the things that came up in this podcast was the fact that and this comes up a lot but it's like we are not meant to know all the things that we know, that we have access to when it comes to cell phones and internet and technology. And I think that goes in line with what we're saying in terms of taking responsibility for what we allow to impact us, or taking responsibility to feel the feelings Like you can't turn off the, you can turn off the internet, but we're not going to, and realizing that like this is basics, like what you consume and what you allow yourself to be impacted by is so elementary and for you it's like you're like I'm going to finally let myself look into this, feel this, do this. That's just your experiences. Think of all of the people out there who are letting other people's lives influence them and impact them, and they're feeling secondary embarrassment or they're feeling anxiety for someone else's anxiety, and I'm like we have to stop, like we really just have to stop, because just dealing with our own stuff is enough.

Speaker 1:

Like, or in the case of like you're, you're dealing with kids in and out emotions in and out. Can you imagine Like you're already empathetic but like really carrying them and their feelings? And I feel the same with my kids Like just, I sometimes want to avoid their discomfort so I like do whatever I can and then I realize I'm not doing them any, I'm doing them a disservice by not letting them just be uncomfortable. But then I have to be uncomfortable. Do I want to be uncomfortable? I don't know, it's a little bit of a tangent there, but that point being is like I'm aware now, and the more we are aware, the less controllable we are by other influences. I hope that makes sense.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it's a big deal and I think we have to go there. You know, I think we talked about that a little bit offline and you know there's all of these things, right, and just how it works in. You know, um, the world today is very much so that you know, we look at, okay, there's a problem and we need to fix it Right. So the problem with this human is this person has anxiety, this person has depression, this person has ADHD, this person has autism, this person has X, y, z, all the things, all the labels, right, and it's a common language. I work in that field. I know that common language is helpful because we know that, okay, maybe this is what we're seeing and these are the patterns that we see, and here's maybe how we can support it. But, just like Campbell shared with us last week, that first step of being aware, right, and maybe it's not that we're going to the fixed mode right away. Maybe it is just like who is this authentically for this person? And all of these things that maybe aren't fitting these societal norms have to do with the fact that they're being pushed into making that work or fixing that so that it can just be in line with what the external expectation is.

Speaker 2:

And over the past few years I've seen that working in my practice. I've seen how that can shift right. Yes, I mean, I had a friend yesterday. He was like wait, you worked with 30 kids in two days, like that's a lot of energy of other people you're taking on. And I'm like exactly Like that is it. You know, and that is the part of just knowing that, if I'm not super aware of that and not taking those moments it is. I mean, there's parts of me that today I'm like whoa, that was a lot.

Speaker 2:

But all that to say is that we really want it to come to this place of thinking about that more and more, so that we can empower ourselves, give ourselves permission to shift out of trying to fix it, trying to mask it, trying to put something a bandaid, basically over these things, versus truly digging in and seeing like who am I? What is this? That's going on? They talked about in that podcast that you were sharing, katie, the rates of suicide. It's like we have to be aware of this, we have to think about it. Why is this happening? It's like we have to be aware of this, we have to think about it. Why is this happening? You know, and a lot of it has to do with, you know, people feeling like they can't authentically be them because of all the externals, and so I think it is an important piece for us to talk about and for us to encourage our listeners here to just allow yourself to go there and think about that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think to spin off on that, yes, there's this element of them not being able to be authentically themselves, but there's also this piece of like it's our responsibility to protect our peace. And I wonder too, if there's so much outside influence that to get those societal pressures and get those co-expectations, then we're putting that on ourselves. And so I can only speak to, like, my own experience and what I'm going through. And I think a lot of that comes from, like you know, we've talked about and all you know this is our 62nd episode but like we've talked so much about how realizing we don't have to earn love, we don't have to earn peace, we don't have to earn joy, we need to go and like, just take it.

Speaker 1:

And I think the more that we continue to not take responsibility for what's influencing us, the more we're going to continue to be in this spiral of I mean for lack of a better phrase of overwhelm.

Speaker 1:

And that overwhelm is what's driving these people to not feel like they have this other way out and or just really be like oh well, I see so many people who have this, this or this.

Speaker 1:

I want that label too, because that just makes sense, because that's how I'm feeling. I'm like or is it because you're letting them influence you, like you're taking on their experiences. You're taking on the angst or whatever it is. Maybe there's some part of it, but, like, protecting your peace has never been so more important than it is now, and there's so many times to the episode that you shared with me and, of course, check the show notes, friends but he talked about how 2020 was this pivotal point where we were awoken to how much influence was around us and or to what our innate needs were, just realizing that, like we literally had to sit. You sat some of us did for maybe about a week, some of us did it for longer, but the point being is like we had to sit with ourselves, and that was for the first time in a long time for a lot of people and then you had to work through, like who was showing up in the quiet but I'm going to stop ranting so you can have a chance.

Speaker 2:

No, I think this is great and I think there's a lot there that you were saying, you know, and just that we talk a lot here about creating your own reality, you know. And so what is it that we were looking for, right? I know in the podcast with Ed and Brendan, they were talking about asking this question of ourselves like am I in range? And like what does that even mean? Right? And that's referring to like, how are my emotions going? Like, what is it that I want to experience? You know, taking a look at that, taking a look at what is influencing it, that's really important. And I reflected on that and, honestly, I was like, immediately, I know that my default range is joy.

Speaker 2:

And then, when experiences occur, I think about different things that maybe I do have to do as part of my role, that I really just don't like that part of it, right, like paperwork, for instance, if anyone can relate to that. You know, that's something that I know automatically pulls me out of range. It's just one of those things that pulls me out of range. And there's so many things that if we really sit and look at it like, okay, there's things that pull me out of range, but what is that? Okay, it's a trigger. It feels like the stuff that we have to do. It feels like who we have to be.

Speaker 2:

You know, as you were talking about, like you look at someone else and that's going on for them like wait, is that going on for me? Well, I mean, it's innately in us as humans to want to be seen and want to relate. So I think there's that piece of it. That is why people kind of go there. Right, that's fair For sure. But I also think that if you're not taking that responsible piece and you're not looking at what is my range or what is it that I truly am authentically and then using that as a meter for what it is that you're doing and monitoring in your own life I think that's what we're talking about here is just making sure that we're using more of us as the meter, versus the people outside of us as the meter for what range of emotion or experience we want to have.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think too, this other. That leads really nicely into this other comment of like. We are constantly going to magnetize what we're focused on, and that includes our feelings, and so we're even in these moments of like. You're going to have to do some things that you don't like in life. For you, right now it's paperwork, but as long as you don't stay stuck in that like ick feeling, you will continue to magnetize more joy feeling. So you'll work through it. But the point I'm trying to make here is that we will continue to see what we are focused on, including the negative. So, yes, say oh, man, that was hard or that sucks.

Speaker 1:

Where I talked about offline was like more and more. It's like, as a parent, you always want to try and be the parent that you needed, and so, for when the kids are having a hard time or frustrated, oh my God, the best example this morning, owen woke up at 545, which is my time, folks, it is my time. I'm already in the bath. I already am like, done my meditation, I'm now reading and he comes barreling in the bathroom and he is so mad at me that I'm in the bathtub and I was like I get it, man, like you want me to be with you. I was like, but this is mommy's time. Like I'm sorry you you had, these are your choices. And he is fuming and he goes I just need a minute to think. I was like you know what? Okay, bud, I'm here for you when you're done, thinking, and really he just needed a minute to be mad, yeah, and, and I gave him that and I was so proud of him and he left the bathroom. He goes would you come lay with me when you're done? I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll lay with you when I'm done.

Speaker 1:

But I just felt like, right, then that's not even the example I was going to provide, but I forgot about that. But like he knew he was allowed to be mad and he could sit with it. But he didn't sit with it for too long and he just was like you know what? I'm going to go back to bed. Will you still be there for me? And then he left and he went back to bed. So and just not getting stuck in those things is so important and teaching our kids and teaching ourselves that we can feel those feelings and especially like showing up for other people when they're having those feelings and not getting, not absorbing them, but allowing. So I think that's something else. I just I wanted to relate to your story from a different perspective, something else.

Speaker 2:

I just I wanted to relate to your story from a different perspective. Yeah, I love that. I love that story too, and just could picture that so vividly as you were sharing it. Because that's what it is Like again. It's like, as humans, we just we want to be seen like he wanted to be seen, that he was mad about that, right, and so like just being able to work through that and quickly like that, and and also, too, that it was working on it from both sides of it, right. So you were also advocating for what you needed and wanted too.

Speaker 2:

So I just think there was so much there where sometimes we get really stuck in emotions and looking at them, so surface of like, oh gosh, now he's mad, let me just go fix that, you know, versus like what you just explained and what you did, and so that's such a powerful example of how it is important for us to think about that from each person, to think about that internally too, and I'm cool to see a little person doing it too. You know, and you talked about like not getting stuck too, and I think one of the concepts they were talking about in one of these podcasts was the concept of how much as humans we're future travelers and how like that can really get us stuck. You know like I think he was talking about saying like okay, we've suffered 46 times before the actual thing even happened and then guess what.

Speaker 2:

We're not even suffering when it actually does happen or it didn't happen at all. It didn't even happen at all. Yes, this is a big deal and as I was sitting there and thinking about that and listening to it I actually listened to it a couple of times and I was like, you know, I feel like that's it. I feel like that's a lot of ego protecting is really coming from that future traveler piece, you know, and not wanting to be disappointed, disappointed is a big emotion that we run from as people, you know, and so being conscious of that and saying like, oh gosh, yeah, I, you know, is that what's driving these decisions that we're making? Because for me, I was even seeing like, yeah, disappointment or avoiding disappointment is actually has many times put me in interrupting receiver mode. Tell me more. Because it's just like I'm just going after and imagining, you know, if you stay in this worry or this fear or this predicted or this, I have to move forward through this, right. It's like putting you in the seat of like I have to be the one to make it happen. I have to be the one to do it. You know, if I don't do X, y, z, that may, maybe that will happen and it all is about like what what I have to do, you know, versus like receiving is more so like what's this flow going to be?

Speaker 2:

And you know, like you said earlier, that piece, part of this is so important, Like it really truly is so incredibly important. And you know, I think he he talked about too, just like how, with emotions, that we don't want to go into this pursuit mode, right. So I think that is a little bit of that old piece, like I think even I would use words like pursuing peace, right, but actually it's not that we're actually trying to create that peace by allowing there to be more flow, allowing us to like let loose those reins a little bit, I think, you know, because if we're really pursuing our emotions, that's where I was seeing him saying like that's where the disappointment is coming in, that's where the things that we don't want are coming in more, because we're in such a pursuit of like achieving it versus allowing it we're in such a pursuit of like achieving it versus allowing it.

Speaker 1:

Do you feel like that is that we're just more aware of the contrast then? Like we're just maybe I'm missing that, but I feel like, as you're in that pursuit mode, you're more aware of what's blocking your pursuit, of whatever it is you're trying to achieve, and so I feel like that's when you can get stuck in that negative and that contrast is like you're like oh, this is stopping me from getting what I want, instead of being like in flow and allowing and seeing the contracts for what it is, which is just it's a natural progression to actually get to what you want. It's not blocking what you want, right? I don't know. I feel like that's what's coming up for me when you were saying that, but I think that I liked that piece too is like you made a note here is like how we want to feel is not going into pursuit mode but accessing, allowing amplified awareness of what we want to create, and so sticking to that you know we're creating our realities but is allowing our realities too, and you talk about and you're not here like discussions around prayer and conversations of like seeking guidance, and I think too, I know this, I think this is like the 800th time I've said it, but it's so easy to get out of that flow where you're like, help guide me to the next right thing.

Speaker 1:

Like, what do I need to be open to receiving? And even, interestingly enough, this morning, in my gratitude journal, I just you know my run, my life journal has three spots for gratitude. Just to you know my run, my life journal has three spots for gratitude. I was like I, my intention today is to like is to be open to other influence, because I feel like I've been in such a go mode lately that I have forgotten that piece of asking like, help guide me, because I've been so in do mode and it's it's just really important because I've been so in do mode and it's just really important because we just talked about all of these layers and so if we're here stuck in this go do B mode, we can't allow because you're just like, well, that would be going against the grain Contrast is going to come in four to six times of how this could go wrong.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. Yeah, it definitely is, and that prayer piece of it, it was just something that I think, as we become more aware, it is consciously evolving. I know for me, when I was looking at that and thinking about that, oftentimes we see prayer as asking for something right, I just need this to go the way that I need it to go. Yeah, and yes, of course, there's always been this element of trust, but I think, as we're shifting and evolving, this and coming into this piece, like you were saying, is just looking for that guidance, you know, and asking for that piece of just like letting me see that I can authentically be who I am and allow this to flow, versus like putting on those masks and thinking that I have to do it this way or have to go, go go because X, Y, Z or someone else is going to think something if I'm not, or I have to do it because they need me, Right? You guys remember that that one was a big one for me. I was just saying here too, like you know, next week, or actually when this podcast drops, it will be the day after the anniversary of my angel carried fall. You all have, if you've been listening, you've heard me say that before, but that was a big piece of it during that, of what opened me up during that time was being able to to release that concern and worry that I had to do things a certain way because somebody else needed me to do it. You know that that angel carried fall was definitely something in the past couple of years that was so on purpose to wake me up to some of these things that we talk about here and just realizing that it really unlocked awareness, Like that's really what it was, Because, yeah, of course it physically pushed me to a point where I had to rest and be still and all of those things, but when I think about it, there was a lot of worries and stories and fear. You know that was just even driving how I communicated with people and different things and, you know, dealing with medical bills and all of that, like even that I had to shift in and have this different awareness and allow, like just allow, and so, yeah, and I think a big piece of that too is like shifting out of trying to fit us in a box, and I think that that's like what we were talking about at the beginning of the show today, of all these masks that we put on, like it's the same thing masking and putting on, you know, fitting in a box the way that we need to be successful, or you know we have to hustle to be successful. It's just not true. It's not true anymore.

Speaker 2:

But when you brought up gratitude, I do want to say I think it's really important for us to not feel like, well, were we doing things wrong the whole time? Do we do decades of life the wrong way? No, we have to be super grateful for all those things. We were not at a conscious level or you know where we are now. You know, now in this evolved space, it was on purpose. All of that was on purpose so that we could wake up to this and be able to share and talk about this and live this experience. So I always want to say that here on the show, it's like when we talk about growth, it's not like what we were doing before was wrong. It's not this good versus bad piece. It's just really allowing again that evolving yeah, and that's the whole.

Speaker 1:

I mean, that's the whole point. It's like waking up and being aware. It just allows you to be show up better for yourself, show up better for your people, and it honestly though to the point I mean too is like it reduces your tolerance for anything less. It's going to help you see the right people in your life, it's going to help you see the right job opportunities, the right social engagements, and it's going to help you feel more empowered to say no, and more empowered when it's a hell yes. Um, and I think that it's so interesting and, and I think, a perfect example of this um, for me, just recently, it was just like being able to.

Speaker 1:

I had a friend who was like hey, like um, do you want to play golf? Play golf in the middle of the day. You guys know I have a hard time turning down golf, right, but I adjusted my calendar and I made it work. But then I had another gal who was like hey, again, come play golf. And you know what, I said no, because it's just not the people, it's not the vibe, Whereas this other friend I was like, absolutely, I will move everything. And that's the people, it's not the vibe, whereas this other friend I was like, absolutely, I will move everything, and that's the difference. It's like there's something I love and I literally could. It wasn't a yes right away, and I knew to myself that that was a signal, and that's the awareness that we're talking about, and so you're going to open yourself up to these things and that's just the beauty of realizing. You're like no, yeah, like you said, I didn't live wrong. I just. I'm just more aware now and I can choose what's better for myself as we move forward.

Speaker 2:

So I love that. I mean, it's really honestly I think we've said it in episodes of maybe a while ago Like it's like having this joy meter right, like you get to choose what, what brings you that joy. And you know, I think one of the things that we're shifting here too is just like there's no guilt for that other piece of it. It's fine, that other person was going to go and they're going to get their golf and they're going to get it the way they want it to. Like there's no guilt piece of it, like that's another evolved piece of it that I think we that used to drive a lot of those decisions of saying, yes, yeah, exactly, when it wasn't a heck. Yes, you know, because you didn't want to feel that guilt piece of it. But yeah, I love what you said there.

Speaker 2:

And just, you know so much of the why, like why be more aware is about the connection, is about the joy, is about making sure that we're having this authentic love even right, we talked about love languages a couple episodes ago. That truly is the why. But there is turbulence, you guys. It doesn't just go. You don't just turn a switch and say like, okay, this is how aware I'm going to be now and you know it's all going to be this. Joyful experiences in all ways, but the turbulence is worth it, right? It's worth it to hang on, to work through it, to look at it, to allow yourself to see all of those things, because truly art that is is getting us to a state of using that internal compass. I talked about at the beginning how we're often using an external compass, but that's the switch. Here is like, using that internal compass even when there's turbulence is how we're getting there.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, that's perfect. So as we we wrap up, I just want to remind all of our listeners you can always reach out to us if you have any questions along the way that pop up as you listen to these conversations that we're sharing. Keep the conversation going. Make sure you're in our patreon community. We're there to support each other. So we know that the power of understanding our emotions, awakening to awareness, really is an inside job, but we also know how we innately have a deep human need to be connected with like-minded community as we journey here. So we have extra empowering tools again over on our Patreon. Community there for you to personally dive into the topics we explore here on the show, and it's a judgment-free zone. You're doing these on your own time. Community there for you to personally dive into the topics we explore here on the show, and it's a judgment-free zone. You're doing these on your own time.

Speaker 1:

So come as you are, let's unpack our experiences together. We can't wait to see you over there. And, sis, remember there's a lot of freedom when you step out of protection mode and allow yourself to explore your feelings and connect deeper with your infinite self. We honor that. This can feel heavy and hard sometimes to break free from old patterns. We also know the freedom that comes from allowing this awakened awareness, and it is unmatched. So we send you so much courage and love. You've got this. We'll see you next time.