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It Gets To Be Easy
We empower women to grow confident in creating their most healthful & joy-filled life with ease.
It Gets To Be Easy
Embracing Love Languages for Personal Growth
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Do you ever wonder if the way you give and receive love truly reflects your deepest desires, or could it be shaped by external influences? Join us on this eye-opening episode of "It Gets To Be Easy Podcast" as we dive into the transformative power of understanding love languages. Discover how our perspectives on love have changed over the years and the surprising revelations they encountered when reassessing our love language quiz results.
In this heartfelt discussion, we share how our evolved love languages play a crucial role in our daily self-care routines, and how this awareness has empowered us to show up more fully in our relationships. We also explore practical ways to enhance self-love and communicate our needs more effectively. Tune in to gain valuable tools and insights that can help you create the loving relationships you desire, both with yourself and others. Don’t forget to check the show notes for more ways to connect and share your experiences with us on social media!
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Shauna Bell @sbell.wellness
Katie Smith @k.smithoilsfitness
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Welcome to it Gets To Be Easy Podcast where you're granted permission to live your most healthful and joy-filled life with ease.
Speaker 1:We are your hosts, katie and Shauna, and together we've been cracking the code to creating our own realities with ease, and now we've set out to help you grow confident in this too. Hi friends, welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for being here. We truly love knowing you are spending time with us. Each time that you tune in, make sure you're sharing with a friend as well.
Speaker 1:If you remember, in a recent episode where we were talking about noticing and shifting old patterns in ourselves and I brought up love languages, it kind of came out of nowhere. But if you're not familiar with the five love languages, let me just quickly bring you up to speed. These were developed by a counselor named Gary Chapman that has several love language books in the series now, but he developed the original as a way for individuals to know their own love language and then be able to communicate that with the spouse, to experience love in a way that was most aligned with each partner's core desires. And the five love languages that he identifies are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. So we know that oftentimes people show love how they want to receive love, and in the previous conversation we started when we were discussing these is do you really believe how you feel loved is truly what we need?
Speaker 1:So which not just to take some time to look into this a little bit deeper for ourselves and see what would come up if there are some shifts in how we feel love about this now or how we feel about this, but also how we feel love now, and we did notice some things evolving. So we want to jump in. And so, shauna, if we want to kick us off and you know what is, you know what was your love language, and I know we both redid the quiz, so we kind of were riffing on this before. So I really maybe we just kind of dive into riffing on it again and like we knew what they were, so start there. And then we both redid the quiz. So take it away, yeah.
Speaker 2:It was. It was pretty cool to do this. Actually I love that and you know you said it came out of nowhere, but we always know it doesn't come out of nowhere. These downloads are so on purpose on the podcast, because these are really rich conversations that we get to build off of these what seem like simple things, right.
Speaker 2:But yeah, love language is really kind of interesting and so for me for the longest, like I've always thought, like words of affirmations like okay, when I took the quiz, it was like hands down. Words of affirmations like okay, when I took the quiz, it was like hands down words of affirmations was of great importance to me, that's, you know. And as I think about that, I was like, okay, this is how I perceived I was loved, right, and it felt like that's how I was being acknowledged for services, for support, you know, for me actually giving acts of service to other people, but that's how I was being acknowledged for it. Or you know that became like feedback of like okay, they like that. This is how it is.
Speaker 2:But then also, too, we haven't talked a lot about Enneagrams here on the podcast, but if you're familiar with that, like you know, a lot of my life I've been kind of resonating with Enneagram too, which is really a lot about being a helper, right and, um, really doing for others, right, and so a lot of what I was seeing as I reflect on this was like, okay, so I was the one doing, but I was needing feedback for that, or I was wanting to feel loved for that, and if someone said something or thanked me for it, you know, then that's how I was feeling love, and so it was almost. You know, if I'm honest about it, it was like I was feeling like I needed to earn that love versus being inherently worth it.
Speaker 1:I think that's so true and I feel like that's the same way I took this and so, again, unfamiliar with the love languages, the point being here is like, as Shauna said, she was words of affirmation and for me it was like acts of service, and so people doing things for you is how you feel most loved. But what Shauna and I are really digging into here is that addressing this idea of. Is that really the truth, or is it that we believe that that's what equals being loved? And so same concepts here. It's like I am the doer, I was one who took action, was held responsible for doing the things, and so I show I earned love by doing things. Therefore, if people did things for me, that meant they loved me, or that's how I felt the most love, because I received love if I did things. And it's the same concept. It's like I never heard these things. It was just like I was treated better. So it never equated to like what you were saying in this like words of affirmation way. But to me what it really was saying was like you only earn love by literally physically earning it. You have to do something in order to have someone show love and appreciation to you and that kind of felt like. The other way too is like I needed my husband to do things for me. So I knew like I felt like he understood me, he loved me, I felt loved. But really it was like so we both decided to redo this. Not like neither one of us said, hey, go redo it, we just both did it.
Speaker 1:Of course, morbid curiosity got the better of me and so my top one really showed up and I was going through these questions, I was really thinking about them, because you can do these quizzes and we'll link it in the show notes if you're curious too. But I really was like am I changing my mind or am I purposely trying to change my mind? You know what I mean, like trying something else to show up. But it really was this one point where it's like if your partner took something off your plate, you would feel more loved, or if your partner spent time with you and that was a really big kicker for me to realize, spent time with you and that was a really big kicker for me to realize.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh, I'm shifting because, like, I can do things for myself and, yes, it is so great when he does things for me, but I would 100% rather just be together, like just holding hands, going to get coffee, like and talking about our futures, and so it turns out like mine's quality time now is my number one, and like physical touch. And of course access service was in there, but it wasn't as prevalent as the other times and to me this just really showed that I realized that like I am innately worthy of love without anything else, just being together is loving each other, and so I thought that was so powerful for me in that shift.
Speaker 2:It is. And you know, I know we joked a little bit before we hit record and we were talking about this and I was like, okay, so you sound like you know all those great things that happen in those sweet little rom-com books that we love.
Speaker 1:Romance books. Hey, no, so here was my response was, however we identify the best love that we need. It doesn't matter where it comes from.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But I think the truth behind that is that we are allowing ourselves to see some of that right. So, whether that's fiction or real life, we are allowing ourselves to see it and then say like, hey, I want that too, and it's not fake or fiction that I want that, I get to have that. And that's what I saw coming through for mine too. And, like you said, similarly, when I was taking it, I was like, okay, just really, what comes to me? What is it that I truly feel like? Really being honest and letting myself, you know, feel that way, not letting it be like what would somebody think if I was answering that way, you know? And so it was kind of more of an intimate conversation with myself, right, but I really saw a big shift, you know, and acts of service actually came out really big for me. I think there's like 30 questions and I think I had like a 12 there, and so words of affirmation was down to a four. So that was a big, big drop. And it's not that I don't still enjoy having some of those words of affirmations, but it really started to make sense and I started to think about it from this perspective of what we talk about around here of releasing hustle, right? So hustle had so much to do with doing all the things right, and so words of affirmation were a quick way for me to get feedback and be validated for all the doing that I was doing, and so that was allowing that maybe joy cycle to be fueled per se and to keep me going with the doing, if I was getting that.
Speaker 2:But now I'm seeing as we've been working a lot on the shifting and allowing help and asking for help and really trying to be more of a master at receiving, which is such a work in progress, right. But I'm like, okay, that makes sense. Acts of service make sense. For that. That truly is what I would love to see. I would love to be receiving these things and actually receiving gifts came up and and I was super surprised by that too, because I was like, oh my gosh, that sounds so materialistic in the conditioned way of talking about things. But I was like, no, I'm actually worthy of someone thinking like, hey, let me get this for her or whatever. And so it was really cool to let ourselves go there. I think that's what I was getting from this process the most was like really allowing ourselves to want something without having to put some kind of hidden thing there of like oh should I really, you know, the gifts thing doesn't surprise me.
Speaker 1:You always send this stuff to people Me, me in particular like just little surprise gifts. That doesn't surprise me at all that that came up for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I guess you're right, like, if you talk about it from a perspective of that. You know, what you said in the beginning, when you kicked us off, was like we, we tend to give love to the people the way that we would want to receive it. But you know, it's, it's neat that you see that in me, but I wasn't seeing that in myself, right, I just genuinely enjoy, um, you know, doing that for and to me, it was still like doing it for other people, right, about the gift, and so, um, yeah, it's just a really great way to allow ourselves to see that it's cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, as we're working through this conversation and really again trying to tune into what our innate needs are and tuning into ourselves mostly, I feel like this is really opening up an opportunity for us to really unapologetically ask for what we need or seek what we need. And that's really where a lot of these conversations start, and especially this love language is one Like. This came up when Carl and I were working through some things in our marriage and trying to figure out how do we show up better for ourselves, some things in our marriage and trying to figure out how do we show up better for ourselves. And the conversation that you and I were having here, and especially in the other episode we recorded today, was really about like self-responsibility, and I think this leans well into that. It's like now that we really know how we want to feel loved, or how we can help ourselves feel loved. More is if we can do these things for ourselves. And I think you tapped into that a little bit in your notes where you're like how do I now do these things for me? And that's like, okay, I'm going to go tell my husband like this is how you can show me love, but buying yourself a gift, or, for me, is like spending time alone it's quality time with a book Spending time alone, it's quality time with a book, weirdly. So let's talk about that a little bit. How are we using this to now show up better for ourselves?
Speaker 1:We'd like to take a break from our show to invite you to learn more about our digital course, shift from Hustle. Are you tired of pushing to make things happen? Are you tired of comparing yourself to others? Are you ready to feel inspired to take action on only those things that feel good in your life? If you're nodding yes, then this course is for you. This four-week course is self-paced and has incredible resources to guide you through that shift from hustle culture. Head over to our Patreon, where you can learn more about our pricing and how. This course is so full of ease you'll want to take it over and over again. Now back to the show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that definitely was starting to come through. And I read this quote, and I don't know if it was in that book or just something. Of course, as we tap into conversations, little things pop up all the time that are so in line with it, and so the quote was the way we relate to others is a mirror for how we relate to ourselves, and so that's what kind of took me there. I was like, okay, so now these are my evolved love languages and how am I going to show this to myself? And so I first started reflecting on the previous one. So, words of affirmations I thought about that and I was like, oh yeah, heck, yeah, that is actually what I was doing for myself. That was how I was self-validating. Always, even if something was an experience that I was going through that was hard, I was always positive self-talk, having those words of affirmation for myself reassurance, verbal praise, coaching. You got this girl, you can do this. Like I can do hard things, like how many times have I said that in my life? Right? And so, even to the point of like, oh, I made it through that, I can make it through anything you know, like just words, words of affirmation were a really big thing for myself too. And then I started to look at it from the perspective of now, my evolved love languages what is that starting to look like Acts of service and gifts. And so I did some journaling around that I was like, oh my gosh, there they are.
Speaker 2:I've had this thing over the past few months where I've always, if I know there's something that would be helpful for me to have done, a couple of days down the road I'm going to thank myself for doing it right, preparing it or whatever, and I always say, like my future self is really going to appreciate this. And so that's been something that I've gotten into practice with and I'm like, there it is, that's the acts of service for my future self, right, and then you know just I've we talk about this a lot with cycle syncing and all of that. And then you know just I've we talk about this a lot with cycle syncing and all of that. Like I've been getting back on that, I joined this challenge of just being really aware of the nourishing foods part of it and so just really been focusing in on not restricting but bringing the things in that are serving my body, you know. And so I was like, oh, there it is again, you know, and of course we talk about the pause moments and restorative practices that we're doing, like hello, those are acts of service to myself, you know, and I think one of the things too, with the gifts that you were saying earlier, I had to laugh because it was like you know, I've been going through this thing, and when my mom was here, I was talking to her and she's like you know, what are some fun things that you want to do?
Speaker 2:And I really had to take time and reflect on that, like, is there really a hobby that I have been wanting to do and not doing, you know, and am I going to allow myself to do that? And it was being out on the water, more you know. And so I was like, okay, I'm going to buy myself a paddleboard, you know. And I did that and spent time like figuring that out and all of that, you know, whereas I would have, in the past, probably been like, oh, that's just too much time for me to figure out, like what I need, and you know, all of that, I've got other things and other people need me, um, so, yeah, I think that was just so cool during all of this to see that and, um, you know, just went on the maiden voyage with the paddleboard last weekend and, um, I think it. It really was such an awesome experience because there was so much behind that too of just seeing that it was a gift to myself to do this oh I love it, good for you.
Speaker 1:And that was, you know again, just simple things like that, where we go back to like is that too much, or am I too much, or should I not do that? And similarly it's you know, everyone's like oh, you're turning 40 next week. Like what are you doing? How are you celebrating? And everyone's just like beside themselves.
Speaker 1:But I was like I'm just like doing whatever I want, like I don't want to throw a party, because why would I want to throw a party for myself? That sounds ridiculous. And mostly because I don't want to plan it and I don't want to hang out with a bunch of people I don't want to hang out with. You know what I want to do. I want to do nothing. I want to read a book. I want to sit. I could sit in my bathtub all day if I wanted to, and that's to me that's like truly showing myself the most love. It's like being open and honest with everyone about like that's not what I want, and if I did that, it's because everyone thinks I should, or that's what they want for me, or whatever it is. None of these people are offering to throw me a party. If they did, maybe I would say yes, but no, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1:And I've had this joke this whole month because I am very much of a it's a birthday month kind of gal and a lot of people don't know this.
Speaker 1:But when Carl and I decided what day we were going to get married, we looked at the calendar clearly and we're like what is the true turnover of a year?
Speaker 1:And my birthday is the 27th of August, his is the 8th of September, and so we got married September 4th because in that 10 days it's this, truly this turnover of a year and it's the beginning of school, for you know, we have kids in school, but to me, truly like that is that turnover. And so, reflecting on that time and this is really like all about what serves me and him, and so all this month, as we end our year, I've been like I want this to set me up as we go into this next year. I'm going to do this to set up this, and it's been really inspiring because I have felt zero guilt about it and like to, even to the point of like to commiserate this next chapter of my life, this next decade. I'm like I'm getting a tattoo, a new tattoo, so it's kind of it's been really eyeopening to see us behaving in these ways already, but now we're just kind of putting words to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's cool and I just love what you've said. I think it brings a lot to what we've been saying on so many episodes about how, like we just get to make decisions from a place that are not driven by conditions, right, and so that's what you were saying there. It's just like, yeah, that's fine. Everybody can think that 40 is supposed to be this big bash. That looks a certain way. That's really just everybody else doing something for them, right? Whatever that would look like.
Speaker 2:But I just think that's so cool is that it's really just permission to do exactly what it is that you want in those moments. And if that day comes and you decide there's something else you want to do that hasn't been on your mind, you get to do it just because you're giving yourself permission for that. And I think, the more that we get into a place where we are aware of these love languages for ourselves and allowing ourselves permission to go there without having to hum and haw about it so much, it's just like, yeah, that's really going to get the feedback that you're looking for by just going with it. That's just so cool and it's really a way to celebrate who we really are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, as we've been talking, I wrote down a couple of notes. I was like that could be our sound clip. When you said my higher self is going to thank me for this today, I think that that's the key piece here is that if we continue to think or tune into that intuition, like you said, which is our higher self, how do I need to show up for her, or what does being her look like today? And that's truly how we can continue to take responsibility or treat ourselves in the most loving way that we possibly can. And that's what we're trying to do here is just really help ourselves and all of our amazing listeners find what brings them innate joy and help them to continue to pursue it over and over again.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Yes, absolutely. I think this has been such a fun process Taking a look at these love languages and really just looking at them from what I was calling an involved lens, right, we're just honoring it, you know, knowing that it's okay for us to look at them, even for them to change or maybe just get a little specific about them, right. And I think it's also helpful not only for us to look at them from like what we want to receive from others, but also using this support to build that honest, responsible relationship with ourself, right, that honest, responsible relationship with ourself, right. We totally trust that this conversation has been something useful for you. We hope that it's nudged you a little bit today too.
Speaker 2:Of course, we will share some links to what we referenced here today so that you can dig in a little bit more, if you want to, on your love languages for yourself, for your loved ones. And, of course, jump on over to Patreon. We'll have an exclusive tool there for you to help you learn how to express and receive love in a way that really truly is more aligned with creating the reality you desire. We send you so much love and joy. Have fun getting curious about your love languages. We want to welcome you to tune in, stay close and grow with us. Come feel empowered, inspired and connected.
Speaker 1:Check the show notes to follow us. And, of course, we'd love for you to tag us on social media when you share Wetlands for you.
Speaker 2:Until next time, breathe on purpose, stay curious and trust your intuition.