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It Gets To Be Easy
We empower women to grow confident in creating their most healthful & joy-filled life with ease.
It Gets To Be Easy
Awakening to Self-Responsibility and Growth
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What if you could reshape your reality by simply taking ownership of your feelings and reactions? This episode of It Gets To Be Easy Podcast promises to reveal how self-responsibility can transform not just your day-to-day experiences but your entire approach to life. We dive deep into shedding light on how observing beliefs and perceptions without judgment has drastically improved everything from our approach to monetary risk to mastering mental game on the golf course.
We explore the significance of self-reflection and breaking away from ingrained behaviors that perpetuate stress. Listen to a heartwarming story about guiding a child to understand and manage his feelings, demonstrating the power of emotional intelligence and creating safe spaces for self-expression. Shifting our environments can foster growth, and we emphasize the importance of taking responsibility for your emotional well-being. Learn how perceptions and allowing space before reacting can cultivate a healthier, more responsive mindset.
Understanding our primal reactions to stress and feelings of safety is crucial in navigating self-responsibility and emotional awareness. Finally, discover tools available through our Patreon community that can guide you through challenging situations and enable a joy-filled life. Join us to feel empowered, inspired, and connected as you embrace self-responsibility with compassion and understanding.
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Shauna Bell @sbell.wellness
Katie Smith @k.smithoilsfitness
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Welcome to it Gets To Be Easy Podcast where you're granted permission to live your most healthful and joy-filled life with ease.
Speaker 1:We are your hosts, katie and Shauna, and together we've been cracking the code to creating our own realities with ease, and now we've set out to help you grow confident in this too.
Speaker 2:Hey friends, welcome back to the show. So I'm curious have you caught on to this little message that has been coming through in various ways over the past few episodes? This taking self-responsibility, which means like being a curious observer of what we need and then using this to fuel our intentions, our inspired actions. You know, we really have splashed this into conversations in one way or another lately, probably not even realizing we were, and so now we're seeing. We want to focus on this a little bit more with you today. So as we jotted some notes down to expand on this with you all, I actually noticed between the two of us that we were both cluing in on a couple of these like downloaded codes, as we call them, that were coming through that had to do with beliefs and perceptions, and I feel like that feels like a good place for us to kick off on this topic today as we expand on the idea of self-responsibility.
Speaker 2:I know for me, I've been noticing this connection with the beliefs and perceptions coming through in conversations with other people and how these really impact our responses to things like changes, expansion, opportunities, growing pains.
Speaker 2:I could think of all of these things as we are building something from the ground up in my job, outside of the home, and it really started making me think about our podcast and how we called it.
Speaker 2:It Gets to Be Easy, and so I was thinking about that in relation to when something does feel hard, about that in relation to like when something does feel hard, but so much of what we share here on the show is about observing ourselves without that judgment and then being able to make like responsible choices from that, and so observing beliefs and perceptions really does feel like one of those key components to taking responsibility and allowing changes to happen as we're in this pursuit of living our joy-filled journey that we really want and desire, even during experiences that we might feel like are hard. So, katie, I know in your notes you had some great insights as you were kind of digging in and thinking about this too, about belief systems and like those forces that have shaped us, as you kind of termed it. Will you kick us off there, like what is that for you and how are you taking a look at this responsibility and how it is really key in shaping our realities?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a really fun spot. So we, this idea of self-responsibility is something where we're talking about something so simple as like owning your reactions, and I think that when you you know, when you're looking at the notes that I had taken, it's like belief systems are adopted from our experiences and what is modeled for us, and so we have to be willing to own that in order to make any progress towards changing. So understanding, like where those responses and reactions are coming from is a key component to being in like okay, do I want to continue to behave like that? So I thought through this and I was like okay, if you consider, like, everything that has shaped us up until now, it's evident in how we react, from like how we were raised to how society expected us to react or behave and the expectations we had on ourselves. It's you know, we've talked about this a lot in this season of the podcast where really shifting the narrative and I think one specific example is like handling monetary risk or dreaming big dreams Like are you able to safely take this leap without thinking like well, you don't have everything figured out or you don't have all the money, and then you start to get tense and you have these blocks all the way down to how I react to like something going wrong in whatever sport I'm playing. So I, you know, golf's the only thing I'm doing right now. So that's one of those things is like the other day I played golf with my dad and he's like if you could go back and change your mental game, you'd be such a good golfer back in college or whatever. And I mean there's parts sometimes where I'm like maybe I should have like done a little amateur tour or something like that.
Speaker 1:And I think I thought a lot about that comment and I was just like you know what? I could be where I am. I could have been where I am now if I had it modeled for me. And I realized then that was just like. That's why it's so important that we continue to assess how we believe we're supposed to act and evolve from that. If it's just not something you want to see modeled by your kids or you want people to receive you in that way. One of the things that always stuck to me in that sense was specifically within. Golf is like when you play with other people, they aren't going to care what your score is, they're going to care about the experience they had with you while you were on the golf course, and that goes with anything in life, and so it's like what is that taste you want to leave in everyone's mouth? So those are some thoughts I had around this. It's like that's my responsibility. I own that and only I own that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think there's a lot that you already started us off on here and I think that, as we think about taking responsibility and looking at those things and, like you even said, like should I have rights so sometimes those like shoulds come up a little bit. But I think it's a really great way for us to just look at, like, what those expectations are and where they came from and I think that that's what we've been saying over many episodes now is just being able to look at what's going on for us and where did that come from, and just from a place of curiosity, like it really truly is, like okay, I get to really look at this. You know, a lot of times I say that bird's eye view, but you get to really look at it and get super curious about it. You know and I was thinking about that too like working in public education for over a decade, you know there were so many belief systems and so many expectations that I bought into, that I even played along with all of those things that now, when I can step out and look at it and I can think about how there are so many shoulds and there were so many, have to do it this way. This is the way it's done here, even though they were really archaic, like being able to look at that and I'm only using that as example, not to put that under a microscope or to say that it's wrong or bad, but just to say that that's what's helping me be able to evolve and shift, even in what I'm doing in my role and my career is some of those things run really freaking deep and you know, I'm in this place of being able to shift.
Speaker 2:Some of the things that have been a part of my identity and my career, you know, and taking on different roles and wearing other hats and seeing how like which one of these do I really even want to be doing, or what you know, lights me up the most. And when I look at that, it's like, yeah, we have to give ourselves permission to like see where we went into default mode. You know I had an aha moment where I've got some a really great therapist working with me now and she, you know, is really taking some of this load from another part of my role so that I can shift into the things that you know bring me the most passion now and that I have the most strength to give to the business side of things, and I even caught myself like oh, but should I have her do that? You know, because they're so used to like.
Speaker 2:This is what I did. I have to do all these things, you know, and so it's just really interesting as we look at those reflections and take a lot of curiosity with ourselves. It's like, oh man, this runs deep, like this is, like, you know, codes decoded. We got to like really break through and release some of these things that have been like defaulted, and it really does take that responsibility of being like oh shit, here I am, I'm the one spinning this stress cycle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there is this key piece too, in terms like reactions. How this was hitting for me in this conversation was really how you react to things and how you. It goes back to the interview that we had with the podcast with the biohacker babes. So he was just like you get to take responsibility for how someone quote makes you feel like you get to be angry or you get to be upset, or you get to be happy or indifferent any of those things. And most recently we, you know, I was talking to my son about this and he was getting really emotional about a situation and I just looked at him and I was like I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but right now you are allowing yourself to feel this way. Now I want you to feel feelings, like I don't want you to bottle them up, like you can cry, you can be mad. I was like but how long you stay mad is your choice. Yeah, and I know that that's really hard to hear, but choice, and I know that that's really hard to hear, but only you get to decide how long you hang on to this. And he, you know, continued to cry a little bit more and then by the, you know literally the less than five minute drive home. I looked at him and I was like I know you're flooded right now, but when you're ready to talk about this, like I think we should reflect back on this together and I want you to go into this house and know that you're going to move through this and that you're not going to hang on to this upset, like this piece of you that's so upset.
Speaker 1:And he did, and it was really impressive that even at 12, like, granted, he's got all of these factors influencing him hormones mostly but I was really proud of him because he took the time. He, like you know, we do really enforce, like taking space with our kids. And he came back out of it and he was like you know, you're right, like I get what was happening in there, I see the benefits of that, and I was like great, that's awesome. And I was like so then we work through everything else. But I think that's one of the things that continues to come up for me in this conversation is, like you know, we don't ruminating on on what could go wrong or what went wrong. Redoing conversations like those things, like letting them just go and flow through is something where it's like a lot of people are scared to own, that they have control over that, that they get to take responsibility for how they feel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, my gosh, that is so key because really that is what it is. That is what's going to make it flow and move through. We spent a lot of time talking about body messages several episodes on that and being able to work to a space where we're allowing ourselves to do that is really, really key. And then you said something earlier when you were talking about if it had been modeled for you as a kid. And now just seeing you modeling that, that's really an important factor too that I hope everyone's hearing, even if it doesn't have to do, if you don't have kids and you're not modeling it, you're modeling it for someone, right? Or also permission to put yourself in spaces or make sure that you're allowing yourself to not stay stuck somewhere where you're not allowed to have that, where you feel like it's not a safe place to do that.
Speaker 2:And I've been able to see that, you know, in my career, being able to shift from you know public education, where everything is very systematic, to being in a space where you know therapists owned and being able to build and a lot more permissionless and all of those kind of things, has been instrumental in feeling safe to do this and to work through that and to be able to have that, and so I just wanted to encourage that, and our listeners too is be mindful of that. And, of course, we know that you can't go from where you are to the next piece necessarily so rapidly, but honestly, you can. You can create that, and that's what we talk about here, the more that you're a magnet for those things and that you allow yourself to be worth it and be able to take that space is so, so key, and be able to take that space is so, so key. And then perceptions it truly is what you said, like you know, as you're showing that example for your son but like, perceptions are a big deal and I think that that has to do with, like you know, we always talk about like maybe allowing some space before we have a response, right, and that has to do with perception too. That's how we kind of build that perception muscle.
Speaker 2:I think is allowing for that. And, of course, yeah, allowing all those feelings, but being able to be accountable to what it is, that you know, what even our thoughts have brought us to right, whether it's not labeling them right or wrong, really, it's just being accountable to the fact that they're existing and that we are creating that, no matter what they are, and then you know being able to then tailor our reactions or inactions. You know all of those places more from curiosity, like I was saying.
Speaker 1:We'd like to take a break from our show to invite you to learn more about our digital course, shift from Hustle. Are you tired of pushing to make things happen? Are you tired of comparing yourself to others? Are you ready to feel inspired to take action on only those things that feel good in your life? If you're nodding yes, then this course is for you. This four-week course is self-paced and has incredible resources to guide you through that shift from hustle culture. Head over to our Patreon, where you can learn more about our pricing and how this course is so full of ease. You'll want to take it over and over again.
Speaker 1:Now back to the show. Yeah, I liked this concept too, and I think that leads us to this next piece or it feels like it does, but where it talks about how this, like if we're stressed. I think what you're saying is like if we feel safe to have certain reactions, but when we're in a stress situation or we don't feel safe, like what our body and brain does, and I think that we can have put a lot of guilt on ourselves by reacting in a certain way when really it it comes down to like our primal need to survive and feel safe. Um, and so you know, I'm sure people have heard about, like the lizard brain, which is interesting to me. I don't know a lot about it, but basically it can, when you're in these situations, that it can push you to just be petty or be more aggressive or defensiveness.
Speaker 1:I know that for me, defensiveness is always my initial response when I don't feel safe, but I think that's interesting too and that that really ties back into our body messages and listening to ourselves when we feel that tension or we feel ourselves getting upset and and trying to find the opportunity, if it's there, to stop the situation too. I think, before you get to that lizard brain state where you're just like, you just react instead of think through it. I'm not really sure how. You know how we work through that and I know that I still am not very good at that. I do a lot of apologizing after the fact, hence the I try and take responsibility for my actions, but I think that that's something to strive towards is just to continue to be so aware that you are like why am I reacting this way when this isn't really how I want to show up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think something you said there is key is that it really is about the awareness piece of it, right? And so, yeah, that whole lizard brain or reptilian brain it's called sometimes, you know, really the awareness piece is us recognizing that we're going there and it isn't automatic. You know we are designed that way for survival, right, but we are so much more evolved than reptilian brains, right, that we do. If we are consciously making these choices to be aware of it, then we can recognize it and we can be observing it and seeing like, okay, what the heck kind of pattern is that? And, you know, do I want to shift out of it and can I respond in a different way?
Speaker 2:And I think you know you and I were listening to a podcast on this whole topic of radical responsibility and you know she was just talking a lot about respect and honoring herself and really coming at this from a place of self-forgiveness and seeing that you know we're doing this work from more so of an unconditioned compassion for ourselves, right, Not judging ourselves, not beating ourselves up for it, but just recognizing, like we truly do have these habit patterns, we have these ways of responding, right, Whether it was survival, maybe there were trauma things.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's just how we learned to do it as a kid. That's how we learned to do it early in our career, all of those kind of things. And just being aware, I think, of how much this does influence the energy exchange between ourselves and someone else is kind of this evolving piece of it. Is us being able to look at that and, OK, how is this impacting me? Am I staying in a stress loop because of it? And then how is this impacting the other person if someone else is involved, impacting me, Am I staying in a stress loop because of it? And then how is this impacting the other person if someone else is involved in it? And just getting super curious there is allowing us to take this step of responsibility and seeing that it's all coming from a place of love.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the self-forgiveness piece. I think that that was an interesting part of it too, because what we're realizing, too, is that in order to allow ourselves not to have that guilt for reacting that certain way, we have to just be more loving to ourselves. And I think it's going to then go downstream into being more understanding of other people and why other people do that, and I think that's one of the biggest lessons that I've taken away from this conscious living piece and being more aware of this that when someone does something that it's not about me, like it's at least not completely right and it's I may have just triggered them or something, some other situation is a carryover and forgiving them for that and being more understanding that that really oftentimes it's not even about you or that situation. And I think that one of the pieces I don't even remember where this was coming from Some random thing on Instagram, oh, it was the Gottmans, always the Gottmans.
Speaker 1:So they were doing one of those things where they watch something and then they'll like talk about it.
Speaker 1:So they were watching Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman in an interview and they were talking about how like emotional intelligence with their kids, and Ryan Reynolds was talking about how he will like tell his kids what he's going through so that they can better understand where he's coming from. And Hugh Jackman was like I didn't even think about that. So he relayed an example where he was like talking to his son about hey, you know, I'm feeling really nervous about XYZ and I'm just I'm feeling kind of off right now. So if you notice that about me, I just want you to know about it. And he talked about how, later on, his son came back and was like hey, dad, like how did that call go? And the premise being that the kids could be more in tune to why their parents are feeling a certain way instead of feeling it was about them. So that's a huge piece of taking responsibility too, I think, because just letting people know that and that goes back to what I'm saying it's like realizing it's not always about you and someone has a reaction.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my gosh, I watched that too and it was really pretty mind blowing. In ways, it's just like, yeah, I think a lot of times again, going back to conditions, right, we're conditioned to not show that or not let someone know that is happening. Or I know I used to work in places where it was like you check your emotions at the door and we're just here for work, and so we've been working a lot in my current setting of just like, okay, no, that's not where we're at, like if you do have something going on, it's okay to share that with us so that we know that like, yeah, of course we're there to serve and and do a job, and so we got to make sure that we're being responsible in that way too. But if we're just shoving it down, that's not the way to do it. And then also, yeah, other people are going to have these perceptions that are developed because it's like I've got something going on and then I might react to them in a certain way, and then they're going to take it personally, and so this whole spiral happens.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I think this piece of compassion and, like you said, forgiving and we have a whole episode way back on forgiveness where it's like we want to make sure. You know that doesn't mean that we're excusing people's behavior, but looking at forgiveness from a place of compassion is really a key component to really evolving in this conscious living and that's something that we want to keep coming back to as well, because it really is and for us to be able to have these rebalanced nervous systems, you know, being able to pick new thoughts, being able to create space before we respond, like I said, being able to redirect that energy so that it is kind of a common ground by any of the people being involved, you know that helps us be able honestly to guide our experiences more towards what we want and less of what we don't want, because we're not staying in these stress cycles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. I think that this is somewhere like something that we're going to continue to dig into, because I feel like kind of like uncovering the concept of self-responsibility is. It feels so basic but, at the same time, like it's not. It's there's just so much going on. Yeah, but does this feel like a good place to wrap? Yeah, yeah, we're keeping it bite-sized today.
Speaker 1:We hope that this conversation is leaving you feeling called and empowered to continue to show up for yourself, as always. We hope we're making it easy for you to make those connections, but take this as an invitation to observe your own beliefs and perceptions and allow yourself to set intentions, to embrace becoming even more self-accountable. And remember this is not from a place of blame or shame we aren't beating ourselves up but from a place of compassion and understanding, because you can feel and know that this is how you become a magnet for receiving and experiencing what you fully desire on each part of your journey. Here, as always, if this topic landed for you today, we invite you over to our exclusive Patreon community. Come, grab our tools that will help you take a deeper reflection on self-responsibility and the gift that is there to support you. Put the brakes on stress-based looping and coach yourself through hard things in a way that helps you access your joy-filled life with more ease. So we're sending you much love. Sis, you've got this.
Speaker 2:We want to welcome you, to tune in, stay close and grow with us. Come feel empowered, inspired and connected.
Speaker 1:Check the show notes to follow us.
Speaker 2:And, of course, we'd love for you to take us on social media and you share wetlands for you. Until next time, breathe on purpose, stay curious and trust your intuition.