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It Gets To Be Easy
We empower women to grow confident in creating their most healthful & joy-filled life with ease.
It Gets To Be Easy
Harnessing Self-Care for Emotional and Physical Well-being
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Discover how recognizing and releasing outdated patterns can bring profound transformation. We share heartfelt personal stories of abandonment and self-abandonment, unveiling the empowerment that comes from embracing self-responsibility. Katie offers illuminating insights into identifying and shifting default modes like people-pleasing, guilt, and shame, opening pathways to self-love and vulnerability.
As we navigate the rocky terrains of parenting, particularly within the high-pressure world of sports, our conversation sheds light on balancing constructive criticism with unconditional support. Reflecting on experiences with golf and family dynamics, we discuss how evolving our parenting approaches can foster resilience and self-worth in our children, free from the shackles of perfectionism. We underline the importance of nurturing autonomy and self-responsibility, ensuring our kids know they are loved and valued, no matter their achievements.
Balancing self-care with daily responsibilities is a never-ending journey, especially for busy women leaders who often put others first. We delve into the concept of self-abandonment and the critical need to understand our energy cycles, like the menstrual cycle, to avoid burnout. Our discussion underscores the significance of consistent self-care practices and integrating rituals for personal growth. By turning inward and prioritizing our needs, we enhance our capacity to give back meaningfully to our communities. Join our Patreon community for further insights and stay connected on social media for ongoing inspiration and support.
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Shauna Bell @sbell.wellness
Katie Smith @k.smithoilsfitness
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Welcome to it Gets To Be Easy Podcast, where you're granted permission to live your most healthful and joy-filled life with ease.
Speaker 1:We are your hosts, katie and Shauna, and together we've been cracking the code to creating our own realities with ease, and now we've set out to help you grow confident in this too.
Speaker 2:Hey friends, welcome back to the show. We hope that you're having a good week. And you know we've just moved through a few episodes on body messages over the past couple of weeks and as I was kind of like letting that settle and I felt like I was having this evolving awareness of, like all that stuff we were talking about, about the things that get stored from our past experiences, and I feel like this just like kept getting even more heightened for me and I really felt like I was getting called to like look at that a little bit deeper and I realized that there is this evolution of looking at what our body has stored. It really actually is beckoning us to not only pay attention to like what happened that you know we may have just stuffed away or quickly work past or, you know, wanted to be resilient with whatever it was, but also, like I feel like it's asking us to look at like what is this role? Or like what role did we have in, you know, choosing like the coping tools that we used at the time and like maybe even those like started to shape our personalities or maybe even like had us just kind of default the ways that we would respond to things that happened in our lives or experiences or relationships, all of those kinds of things. And so for me, I know and you guys have heard this I've been working on, you know some stored stuff for me with.
Speaker 2:You know what people would refer to as like an abandonment wound, and you know some of this like thought, work and soul work together that we've been doing here on the podcast to share with you. I just started seeing this light shining on an invitation to like check in there a little bit further and realizing that it wasn't just looking at, like okay, abandonment from others in my life or other experiences, but also looking at my coping and like was I adopting this self-abandonment too, as that was happening. And so I'll go in a little bit deeper as we start talking about this today. But you know, I know it sounds kind of specific when I'm talking about self-abandonment, but as we chat today, I think that you're going to see, through our examples, that the empowerment that we're trying to encourage here for you today is just like taking a look at not only the impact of the external factors in your life, like you know, what do people do, what are the circumstances, like I said, but you're given this opportunity to see it from a place of self-responsibility. So not from a place of dwelling or shame, or even like I have to, but from a place of like.
Speaker 2:I get to see this now from a place of dwelling or shame, or even like I have to, but from a place of like. I get to see this now from a place of self-love and nourishment and giving myself what I need from this. And so then that helps us step out of protection mode and ask ourselves, like what can I gain from actually being vulnerable with this, getting honest, allowing this to show me deeper access? Because ultimately, the reason for that is we are looking for having more of this joyful life right, like being able to release the reins on some of this like outdated coping or default modes that we've been in. So, katie, I know that you've had a couple of things coming through lately, too, where it was like you were even seeing like some of those default modes that we go in with other people in our lives. You know that point towards like people pleasing or just like guilt and shame kind of things that we deal with. So you want to jump in. Let's talk about this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we are on the sidelines of my son's soccer tournament this weekend and subsequent tournaments he's had three so far this summer and I think one of the ways that this kept kind of showing up was how are you showing up as a sport parent? From this you know we were raised very differently than we're, in some ways, how we're raising our kids, which is, you know, the ultimate right. But it's how Carl and I had to talk about, like how do we show up as a parent when our kid comes off the field or comes off the thing? Cause I know, for me the joke was I was like I'm 39 year old, adult and I still get nervous to tell my dad how I played. I'm like I wait why? And of course it's mostly because, like I don't want to disappoint, I don't like want to show that there's weakness in like having a bad hole. I'm I'm a good golfer, like it's just like golf is one of those things I've said it before Like you can show up and have a completely different game.
Speaker 1:Almost every single time you get out there, something different can happen and there's resiliency in that, and I think that as a kid and even through college, I just didn't really allow for that, because there had to be perfection. There had to be this like proving that, like I was really just seeking this, like if I did well I received love and admiration, but the catch being is like it was never good enough. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. There was always something to pick apart. So, full circle. We really just approach this with Warren it like I never want him to feel like I mean, criticism is important. As an athlete, you have to figure out how to get better and do better, but I want it to come from like me being this, like I'm here to support you. You did great. It was so fun to watch you in your element and then like, then focus on like, are there ways that you would like to improve? Like, how can you keep perfecting your skills? And I think that is definitely where one of those default modes of showing up how you think people should and so I would always be like the first thing I would pick apart is the bad holes. There's 18 holes and I would probably have like one or two bad holes, but no one wants to talk about the 16 good holes, because why would you do that. So I think that's just really where I was kind of leaning towards there and I and I do it now too.
Speaker 1:It's like, am I getting the kids on the course enough? Am I doing swing work with them? And I just looked at my dad and I was like, dad, right now, I just want them to play the sport for the rest of their life. Like if they want to play competitively, they'll tell me, just like Warren did. He's like I want to play select soccer. I'm like all right, let's go. Was it because I was like you should play select soccer? Like only the best play select soccer. But how do we just not? I just want our kids to like understand that they're worthy just as they are, and that's what I'm continuing to try and learn is like I don't have to do all these things to show my dad that I'm like doing doing life right. I hate to pick on my dad. Like I'm so grateful he taught me golf, like I wouldn't be here without him.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, we say that all the time when we come into these conversations is that, like, when we are looking back at this and we're seeing that it's a natural evolution, right, and so we're not blaming or shaming parents. It really is just moving into this realization of like, okay, but now we have different thoughts about this and there's some different ways that we can go about doing this, and I love what you were saying. There, too is just that you know, as you're letting the kids be worthy as they are, you know you're putting this like over this, allowing over to them, right, and so I think that's where I was going in the intro. Here is, too, is just like when you talk about self-responsibility, I think that's the piece that's already in the shift here of what you were just describing is you're already welcoming that and already giving that permission for them to choose one way or the other, and knowing that it's unconditional, like your love is unconditional, whether they choose it or not, and, of course, if they do choose it, you're going to be excited and go with it, with them, and be able to push in those places that they want you to push them right.
Speaker 2:But I think that's the piece of it that maybe, looking back, is like we hold on to some of that of like, oh, I just I have to do this or I have to push through this, because what is somebody going to think if I don't? And it's not even necessarily all the time that someone said that it is truly something we created in our own egos, our own minds of just like, okay, well, I need to get it this way right and so, yeah, for me it's similar in that abandonment piece of it. Like, yeah, okay, so my parents were doors at 13. I didn't always have a strong relationship with my dad to begin with, but then, of course, it went on even more of a rocky road from there, you know, and still had relationship with his parents for a little while, and then that shifted in a really turmoil kind of way.
Speaker 2:That felt like abandonment as I look back on that, and so I think a lot of my coping and a lot of my what I would say became part of personality of people pleasing is just what you said. You don't want to disappoint people, you know, and and honestly, it's not even disappointing them as much as it was like I don't want to disappoint myself. I didn't want to keep being abandoned. So, you know, if I can create relationships where I you know, and doing things that other other people are loving for me or counting on me to do, or feeling like I'm a strength for you know, all of those kinds of things, that's protection mode still right Of being able to, to go into that, that people pleasing from a place of um, really making sure that those things don't happen still.
Speaker 1:What do you feel like? I don't know why this is coming through, but this is like when you talk about love languages and I think about it. I made this comment this weekend. I was like, well, I'm an acts of service, like that's my love language, it's also how I show love, and part of me is just thinking. I was like, is it, though, like that one in particular? I don't know what it is, or even like it's almost like I want to break down all the love languages here for just a second, but that's a total other tangent.
Speaker 1:But I feel like the reason I am that way is because I kept being asked to show up and give of myself, and that was the only way that like people would show me love is if I was giving them something or showing up and doing for them. And I'm like my sister's about to have a baby, and that's all I can think about, because I'm not going to be in the room with her, which is totally fine. It's fine now. It wasn't fine before. I had to work through that, but now I'm like okay, well, what else can I do? You know what I did? Like I, she has fresh bone breath waiting in the freezer, like I have a cake that I'm going to make. I'm going to take the kids, but the same. Like that's what she needs me to do. I'm going to take the kids, but at the same, like that's what she needs me to do. I'm going to show up, but like I didn't, like I kept seeking these ways to show her I loved her or that I could be of service to her, but at the end of the day, she's like I just need you, like to be you, like just just be my sister, and like I just keep on.
Speaker 1:Like what's the plan? And how am I doing all these things? And it's even the same with my dad, like he just wants. It's just, I guess I'm just trying to say it's how? How does that impact us? And I'm like am I really an acts of service girl? Do I want people to take care of me? And I think that's what it comes to is like I grew up so strongly taking care of everything else, taking care of everyone else, because that's what people needed me to do. And I am finally. I am finally like no, I want to be taken care of. I want someone to cater to me for fucking once.
Speaker 2:Yes, wow, there's so much there. First, I'll go back to say like it's not an accident that love languages came into this, right, because I think I had shared something that someone a friend had started talking about love languages as, like, are we even looking at them for ourselves, right? Or are we just thinking about, you know, what we give to other people with them, right? Yeah, and then this you know little novel that I'm reading right now is all like bringing love language into it, like the actual you know five love languages. I'm like, of course it is, and so I think that we can splash here, for sure, and I can see where a whole episode could come through or a series could come through on that.
Speaker 2:But exactly what you said, I think that maybe it is that those truly were love languages that we did embrace and we did see as part of our personality, but also maybe they are outdated, right, and so maybe it is something that it's like oh hey, let's look back at this Like what was it from that, you know?
Speaker 2:And, yeah, wanting people to take care of us, and I think that was one of the big things that came through for me. You know, I realized that for the last couple of cycles, during my menstrual cycle, I've had some real extremes that have come through that I'm like what is happening, like body panic, almost to the point like I can't intellectually tap into it. It's truly like what is going on physically in my body, that's panic. And so this past time when that happened, I really allowed it to come through and, you know, my mom was here visiting and so I also allowed her in on that and allowed her to support me during that time, which is not something as an adult that you typically, you know, have your mother in your house when that's happening.
Speaker 2:Right To do that. But I allowed that to happen and Higher Self even said, like go there, let her, you know, be a mother in your house when that's happening. Right To do that. But I allowed that to happen. And higher self even said, like go there, let her, you know, be a part of that. And so I let myself cry which we talked about in the last episode, how sometimes that's, you know, uncomfortable and all of those things.
Speaker 2:And to pull it back to this conversation, like what actually was kind of coming through, there was exactly this Like I would store all of that up in myself of just giving and serving it. I get so much joy from that. Like, don't get me wrong, I love doing things for people and being part of things and creating and, you know, being able to, to move things forward in business and all of that. Um, when I need the time to just chill or allow my body to have that, I go into this guilt mode. And so that's what I was seeing, that physical panic of like, oh, I feel guilty. I was going to take my mom to these couple of appointments that she wanted while she was here today, and now I'm going to ask my husband to do that, like no one cared that that's what was going to happen, like my husband jumped in on it asking for.
Speaker 2:You know, it was like this thing was happening on purpose for me to have these realizations that we continue to talk about and, of course, have been practicing and working, but it was just really amplified in those moments and I think all that to say is just it truly is where we have created these defaults, you know, and it's just like, yeah, we really have been practicing, and I know that I'm not the same person every day and I've allowed myself downtime and more reading, and you know the meditation that's having big impacts, all of those things, but still, seeing like it's, you're still doing a lot. You're still probably overdoing for other people, um, you know. And so I think there's just a big realization here, as we we talk through this.
Speaker 1:We'd like to take a break from our show to invite you to join our Patreon community. Over on Patreon, we have so many incredible resources to support you in your journey to living your most health filled and joyfilled life. We have journal prompts, we have exclusive host interviews. We have incredible resources with self-affirmations and guidance on how to approach creating your own reality with ease. We hope to see you over on Patreon soon and we look forward to welcoming you into our incredible community soon. And we look forward to welcoming you into our incredible community.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that makes it's. I said it yesterday in my um using my run with run, my life journal um, but it was like today's intention was like take time for me to recover, and I was like take time for me to recover and I was like take a nap. These are priorities I had for myself Because I think, especially as a mother, for me it's it's one of those things that it's I am always trying to see where I can give. But, like lately, I've been really trying to focus on like how can I take care of myself better? Because I think, to bring your word full circle, that self-abandon, like I abandon my own needs because it's easier to show up and do for other people than to pause and prioritize showing up for myself. I mean it's a full piece and I think about like. This past weekend especially was like this might seem so simple, but this is feels like the right example was like eating food. My mother does not eat very much like it, which is fine, like she's in her sixties. Like metabolism is not the same, but the frequency and pace, like I know for me and one of my healing pieces was like consistently taking care of my metabolism, eating the right foods, eating in time.
Speaker 1:And so I found that it was like three o'clock and I was like I have not eaten lunch. I have not done this because it was. She's like I'm like are you hungry? And I'll be. Like, no, I'm good. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, I don't want to be a burden, to be like I should eat, like I need to make sure I eat and the kids are fed. Everyone else is fed. But it was like this isn't good for me, like I know that and that just fed to my exhaustion that I feel three days later. But that's just a little example where I feel like that's where I can definitely abandon my own needs and what I know I need, but I won't. I don't want to imprint that on other people Like who's taking care of me? Again? No one was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's so relatable and I think too, you know, I was thinking about this. You know, whole piece of not being the same every day and really trying to focus in on the cycle sinking and you know, are there pieces that I've jumped through a hoop or left behind, abandoned that sort of thing, as I'm trying to continue to grow in this. And I was seeing that, you know, when we are in these parts of our cycle where we do have more energy and we can go after it, like it doesn't mean that we're also not supposed to still be attending to rest and giving ourselves right is, am I simultaneously storing things because I'm not resting? And then when I get to that point where I'm going to allow rest, then it's like here you go, here is all of this to flow out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I totally think that's it Like and that's it's so funny. You mentioned that in particular because I reached out because I want to do a metabolic panel. I haven't done one in months and I said the one thing that I feel like I notice more now is that basically my body is like you can, you aren't resting enough in the in-betweens, like that way you're just describing the push, push, push, push, push and now I just recognize it as okay, shoot, like I can see where I push too hard. So and I'm feeling it now. I mean just describe. Before we started this recording, I literally had to coach myself to take the blankets off, like I was so tired. But when I was in the ovulatory cycle I was like this is great, I can push, I can do all these things. And I pushed for 10 days when my husband was mostly gone and I'm like I need a week. I need a week.
Speaker 1:But I don't want to have that. I don't want to have the big sweeps, and that's what's so hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that that's where I'm at and I think that's. I love that this conversation is coming up and just for us to increase our awareness there, right, because that's what it is Like. We always have said that on the podcast we're going to go back, you know, a year prior and be like, oh my gosh, remember when we were just having these ahas about that and now having these ahas about that, and now look how far this has come, right? And so I think we just have to continue to be open to that, and it doesn't mean that we have to always be looking at what's wrong. But I think that if we can look at it from this observation standpoint of like, okay, how do I want to feel and that's really what we're saying here Like this is what this is about.
Speaker 2:How do I want to feel when I get to that menstrual part of my cycle? Like heck, yeah, it is something where I have enjoyed that I've gotten some things worked out during the month, where it's like I can allow myself to have more of those days and not feel like it's so much that I'm going to have to make up on the other side of it, right, but at the same time, it's like you want to have that rest and still feel good, right, like there's. There's that part of it, and so that's what made me start thinking like, yeah, I think we're onto something here. I think we get to look at, you know, even though we have the fuel to do it like are there opportunities for us to put little things in our day, that we're allowing that flow and that release of whatever it is that we are giving our all to so that it's not storing and then, just like I said earlier, just overflowing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and I think back to your point of showing up as you need to be and allowing yourself to have the feelings. That's also what we talked about in our last episode of just. If we don't allow these feelings, they're getting stored in the body. Other, like we you and I were listening, sharing podcasts, and that was the big thing too is like if we hide our feelings, especially as kids, but also as adults, they're going to continue to get buried. So I feel like that's what you're sharing here.
Speaker 1:Is you're you've stopped trying to block yourself from going down these things that don't feel good in the moment, like you didn't want to ask for your dad, you were disappointed that you were not showing up for your mom, and I think that that's one of those things and I hear it with how my parents, like, make these comments about when my kids have big feelings and oh, you know, oh, he's being bossy I was like, no, I'm just allowing my kids to just be who they are, so they don't have to bury it, and I think us as adults don't. That's what you're trying to say is like why don't we cry? Why we don't apologize for laughing? We apologize for crying, and more and more. I think I also feel like feeling tired is another one, like it's's not necessarily an emotion, but it's still a feeling, and I know that that's one that I feel like I need to focus more on allowing like, allowing myself to just be, like I can't do this right now. I'm just tired and or I don't want to.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, that don't want to point. You know, when I was thinking about this and journaling a little bit for this episode, you know I was like, okay, so there's some hustle conditioning that's still coming in on this, this avoiding the vulnerability of letting those feelings come up or having these desires to authentically show up and be like I actually want to do less and it's that's okay, Like I'm not less of a person because I want to do less or I'm not a successful woman because I've decided to step out of this part of what I've done in the past. That really is still part of breaking up with or shifting from hustle. It really is, and I can see now, looking at that bird's eye view and we're talking about it. It's just like that's where being a fixer and problem solver and staying busy and you know that that energy staying in, that was fueling the avoiding and not allowing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. It's just so funny because I feel like the rule, one of the, the rule it's like if you do your intentions or you reach your goals, like what is the one thing you're gonna, um, like reward yourself with? And I'm like sitting in the bath and reading, is that is that good? Can I just sit in this corner there's my favorite corner on the deck and do nothing, like, is that, can that be my reward? Because the doing nothing I just I feel like so called to that lately yeah, I don't think we're alone in that.
Speaker 2:I think I'm seeing that from other people, hearing that from other people, and I think that that's why we come up here and we show up and we talk about it and some of it sounds like it's on repeat, but it truly is because we need this to continue to be a message that we feel like we're not alone in navigating it right, and so I think that that's so helpful. And I saw this quote and it said you know, self abandonment ends where self responsibility begins, and to me, it just really felt like it was no matter what it is that you're looking at, what feelings or what wounds or whatever, it truly just is about like allowing yourself to go there. Like to me, that's what that self responsibility is. It's like I'm going to take this on. Like to me, that's what that self-responsibility is. It's like I'm going to take this on, like, yes, this is on me to do this, you know, and just allow that flow and just allow that those release opportunities and continue to look at it and see what it is Like. What is it that you need today? Like you know, I, as I was journaling about it and thinking about some of the things that maybe I have abandoned, like, yeah, a lot of it was just me moving from one thing to the next instead of allowing some of that downtime and that transition time and some of those things that can reset and we talk about it all the time.
Speaker 2:But I did it the other day with the Oura Ring. I was like, oh, let me jump in there and do one of those body scans that they have in there. They're literally like three minutes at most, I think, and to me, I was like, is that really going to be enough? You know, like that's where my mind is still, like it's got to be this all or nothing. And I do it and I'm like whoa, like it actually brought it from stress to restored, like in such a small amount of time. And I just feel like, oh my gosh, if we can go there more throughout our day, versus like bookended, things are still great and I love that, but it's not enough. We get to do this during our day, yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:I feel like we could wrap here. What do you think Feel good? Yeah Right, I feel like we could wrap here. What do you think Feel good? Yeah Right. So, as Shauna said, like there might you might be catching like some repeats, but we're just expanding on this topic in different ways, and so we really know that whatever you need to get from it is going to settle in as you step away from listening to this episode. So we invite you to get out that journal and let yourself look inward.
Speaker 1:That's, that's exactly what I'm going to be doing, and I just want you to allow your curiosity to lead you and ask your higher self, god, the universe, to show you that which is for your highest good. Remember this deep self-observation isn't from a place of judgment, but from a place of love and nourishment. It's saying yes to self-responsibility, so that experiencing your joy-filled journey gets to feel even just 1% easier as you loosen that grip on protection or avoidance mode. So, and for those of us women leaders who get joy from giving and serving others, may we remember that, allowing rituals and routines for this self-observation, thought, work and soul expansion journey with less resistance, we're positively impacting others in that way too. As we receive, we turn in and give. We send you so much love. Don't forget to come join the opportunity to expand on these topics together over on our Patreon, and we'll see you there and our patron and we'll see you there.
Speaker 2:We want to welcome you to tune in, stay close and grow with us. Come feel empowered, inspired and connected.
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Speaker 2:Until next time, breathe on purpose, stay curious and trust your intuition.